True Confessions

Or, "why stop now, while I am hanging out all the dirty laundry"?

Last time I shared my favorite answer to the usually shocked questions about our family size. There are a lot more questions that we get that are more pragmatic in nature and are usually easier to answer (though not as much fun).

Q: How much laundry do you do?
A: Way too much. On a good day somewhere between 4 and 5 loads. This is in the largest available front loading washing machine that can be found outside of a laundromat. On a bad day (bed wetting, tummy tossing, muddy dogs in the bed, potty training, etc) this easily translates to 7-8 loads. The issue is not so much how much laundry do we wash, it is how on earth do we get it put away? The answer is that we don't. In our living room we have two rocker/recliners and a large couch. Which is actually pressed into service as the worlds largest laundry basket, seeing as how we no longer have a playpen that will suffice.

Q: What is your grocery bill like?!
A: Large. This is discouraging to me. As recently as 2004 our monthly food budget was about $350. This covered mom, dad and seven children. I felt pretty good about that number. A few things happened between then and now, though. There was a sharp increase in food prices last year. The same can of soup that I bought previously for ¢.99 is now $1.33. A 1/2 lb package of store brand cream cheese used to be ¢.88 and is now $1.25. These increases add up. A much larger increase is really to blame for the sharp jump in our food budget and that is the increases in the ages of our children. In 2004 our oldest "child" was 16. In a few weeks we will have FOUR children that age or older plus more toddlers. All of this conspires to push our monthly food bill to three times what it was in 2004. That is a huge amount of money to me and I deal with panic in the checkout line at grocery stores. The truth is that in all reality $1000 is likely pretty darn good for 13 people, it is just more than I ever thought I would regularly spend at the grocery store. And that is with getting "free" milk and eggs!

Q: What kind of job does your husband do to provide for everyone?!
A: Well..um...he is a dairy goat farmer.

Q: You must be very patient!
A: I never get to answer this one, no point, my words would be drowned out by the peals of laughter coming from my older children.

Q: What kind of car do you drive? Do you ever go anywhere as a family?
A: We drive a fifteen passenger van so it is easy for us to go places together. In fact we could have two MORE children and still be able to all fit in the van.

Q: You must really love children!
A: Well, I love MY children. I am not one of those truly sainted people who love all the world's children and give their lives in the rescue thereof.

Q: You must be very organized!
A: Well yes, I am. Thank you very much for noticing.

Now, as my family chokes on my words, before they can even raise an eyebrow I had better come clean.

I am NOT organized. I am the epitome of DISorganization. My desk is a shambles, I haven't seen a pair of matched socks other than at Walmart in a very long time. Consistent readers of this blog know why there have been no pictures in quite a while. I routinely lose phone numbers and my "to do" list is eternally lost, save for the recently rediscovered one from 1995. I think it quite possible that God considers me one of His funniest jokes--the woman with ADD to the max responsible for shepherding eleven children through childhood safely into responsible adulthood. To be honest, sometimes the effort taken to get through the day seems insurmountable.

So why do it?

Because this is what I do. I believe that God has called me to this. I know that many who may read this blog do not believe as I do. They may be Christians who have a different perspective of God than I do, they may be agnostics or even atheists who do not believe in God. Regardless, this is what I believe that God would have me do. Some He calls to be doctors in India. (Or Detroit.) Some He calls to be scientists researching cancer cures. Some he calls to be teachers, passing along wisdom and knowledge. Me, He calls to be a dairy farmer and a mom of far more children than any sane woman would consider. I believe that the best way to spend our lives is, to use the cliche, on something that will out last us. How much clearer is this than in raising children? Sometimes I believe that God has called me to this to teach and train ME, His child, to trust Him more. There are times that I think that in some perverse way, seeing me struggle and often fail may encourage others that if I can fall on my face time and time again and still try to get up and still smile, then maybe they can as well. And sometimes, on particularly dark days I think that I may be an encouragement to others because they may say "wow. My boss just fired me, my house burned down, my dog bit me and I just stubbed my toe. But my life is still great compared to having eleven children!" (Hmmm...I think I heard that song on the country station the other day!) At any rate, this is what I feel called to do, to show my trust in God, in His plan and in His provision by turning my life over to him wholly and completely and the biggest way to do this is by giving Him free rein in my body and life. Call it anachronistic, call it absurd, call it misguided. It is my life and I am doing my utmost to live it to the glory of God every single day.

So daily I get up, take a deep breath, pray for peace and strength and walk in the way set before me.

If I could just find my shoes I might get further, though...

Mother of large family mouths off...

Anyone who has a larger than normal family has become accustomed to curious questions, to people staring when you are in public places and to having people noticeably counting the number of children. They have also come up with a bunch of what they hope are pithy comebacks to the many questions that they get asked. This is usually pretty fun, until the questions become very offensive (which they can). Some examples...

Q:"Are these all yours?"
A:"Let me see (counting)...no, there are only 8 here, I have three more at home." (all mine, all my husbands, no 'yours, mine and ours', all one at a time, no multiples.)

Q:"Are you Catholic/Mormon/Orthodox Jew?"
A:"No, just hopelessly protestant!" (specifically, Presbyterian)

Q:"You have a handful there!"
A:"Actually two handfuls plus one extra!"

Q:"Don't you know what causes that?!"
A1:"No...what?"
A2:"The water?"
A3:"holding hands!"
A4:"Yes, I'd have to say we do know what causes it and we have gotten it down pat...don't YOU know?"

Q:"We know what YOU like to do!"
A: The brilliance of this logic amazes me. I rarely answer this one but these are the thoughts that run through my head. "Let's see. 24 yrs of marriage. 11 children, 5 miscarriages equals 16 proven times of intimacy. Are you telling me that most people aren't intimate with their spouses at least once a year?! And Hmmm...let's see. You say that you have two children? Should I ask you if you DON'T really like to do that? Is there something wrong with your spouse?!"

Q:"Don't you have a TV?!"
A:"Yes, we sure do. Comes in handy to set the toddlers in front of so we can work on getting them younger siblings!"

Q:"Better you than me!"
A:"I agree."

Q:"Are you CRAZY?!"
A:"Yes. And you are rude."

Q:" Are you a glutton for punishment?!"
A:"No, just greedy for blessings."

He's here!

Our friends arrived with our new buckling this afternoon! He is beautiful, big, white and named in honor of our friends, "Jarvis".

Now before y'all all chime in with one voice "But WAIT! We thought all animals on Swede Farm had to have TEXAS names!" Let me assure you that we haven't broken from tradition.

From The Handbook of Texas Online...

"JARVIS, TEXAS. Jarvis was on the Texas State Railroad at the intersection of two country roads just south of U.S. Highway 84, some ten miles east of Palestine in southeastern Anderson County. The community was the site of an unsuccessful oil-drilling operation in 1909. In the 1930s it had a number of dwellings, two churches, and one business. A 1982 map showed a few scattered dwellings at Jarvis, while a church, called Fields Chapel, was located a half mile north on U.S. Highway 84. By 1985 Jarvis was no longer named on the county highway map, though the church still stood. "

His "official", American Dairy Goat Association registered name has yet to be finalized, but he is Jarvis as far as we are concerned.