Mother of large family mouths off...

Anyone who has a larger than normal family has become accustomed to curious questions, to people staring when you are in public places and to having people noticeably counting the number of children. They have also come up with a bunch of what they hope are pithy comebacks to the many questions that they get asked. This is usually pretty fun, until the questions become very offensive (which they can). Some examples...

Q:"Are these all yours?"
A:"Let me see (counting)...no, there are only 8 here, I have three more at home." (all mine, all my husbands, no 'yours, mine and ours', all one at a time, no multiples.)

Q:"Are you Catholic/Mormon/Orthodox Jew?"
A:"No, just hopelessly protestant!" (specifically, Presbyterian)

Q:"You have a handful there!"
A:"Actually two handfuls plus one extra!"

Q:"Don't you know what causes that?!"
A1:"No...what?"
A2:"The water?"
A3:"holding hands!"
A4:"Yes, I'd have to say we do know what causes it and we have gotten it down pat...don't YOU know?"

Q:"We know what YOU like to do!"
A: The brilliance of this logic amazes me. I rarely answer this one but these are the thoughts that run through my head. "Let's see. 24 yrs of marriage. 11 children, 5 miscarriages equals 16 proven times of intimacy. Are you telling me that most people aren't intimate with their spouses at least once a year?! And Hmmm...let's see. You say that you have two children? Should I ask you if you DON'T really like to do that? Is there something wrong with your spouse?!"

Q:"Don't you have a TV?!"
A:"Yes, we sure do. Comes in handy to set the toddlers in front of so we can work on getting them younger siblings!"

Q:"Better you than me!"
A:"I agree."

Q:"Are you CRAZY?!"
A:"Yes. And you are rude."

Q:" Are you a glutton for punishment?!"
A:"No, just greedy for blessings."